I would say a lot of people have a long battle with commitment issues when it comes to love, some more severe than others. It seems like guys don’t believe women can have commitment issues which is total bullshit; I think we just deal with it differently because it’s embedded in our blood to have to feel loved. Every person who is willing to take a chance with love even when the odds are against them deserve happiness; these are the people especially worthy of love and belonging, but who doesn’t want that?
In this generation, I’ve learned the details of a relationship don’t necessarily matter anymore; titles mean nothing because if people aren’t committed it really doesn’t matter if you call the person your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband…it’s sad, but that just seems like the way it is. Every single guy that has ever been present in my life, from my biological father to ex-boyfriends, have only let me down and disappointed me. I grew up in a broken home, where I witnessed a war of marriage on a daily basis. My father is an alcoholic who never treated my mother right and fortunately that marriage ended in a divorce, which still had a negative effect on me. I witnessed my sister in a domestic violence relationship as well. I was in a relationship for three years where I was cheated on, emotionally abused, and although I wasn’t in a full blown violent relationship here, I was still physically abused by being pushed and grabbed like no person should be by someone that
claims to love them. If all of this doesn’t mean I should have commitment issues with men, I don’t know what does.
For the longest time, I couldn’t trust a single guy, for six years to be exact. My mother and sister both found amazing men who love them and I would trust them with my life, but when it comes to my own love life, I never could really trust again or wanted to be committed to anyone. At the age of 24, I’ve been through a lot, so of course I want to find someone who treats me with the love and respect a strong woman like me deserves. Guys think it’s so easy for us to fall for them, when in reality, it’s not; sometimes, though, when you least expect it we run into people who can change the game for us.
We want to break our own rules, we get a little insano in the membrano, and fall a lot quicker than we usually do and it’s scary…for all of us. If I had a choice, I would probably want to be single for the rest of my life because of how much it hurts to try and get to know people and to invest so much time in one person to only have it fail; then, you’re back to square one…again. As I get older, though, I’ve learned to accept heartbreak and to not have your expectations too high; I’m not saying to settle…as my motto goes, “I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than settle for someone who isn’t exactly what I want and who isn’t worthy of the love I have to give…” I’m simply saying don’t get your hopes up for someone who isn’t ready to invest in you the time you are investing in them.
Someone told me recently that you can’t force love onto someone just because you have the urge to be loved so much. I absolutely agree, but I don’t think that’s what I do at all. I would say that you can’t help who you develop feelings for and as much as you would like to push those feelings aside because of commitment issues or timing or distance, whatever the case may be, they are still going to eat you alive. I am a strong believer in fate and believe “there’s no use trying to rush fate because the best things in life are worth the wait;” if two people are meant to be together, there’s no forcing anything…things will fall into place as they should and come together on their own time.
What’s really depressing is when you are seeing someone who makes you feel all these different feelings, but at the same time, makes you feel like you aren’t allowed to feel that way because they are experiencing some commitment issues. My best friend put it this way, “Commitment is for adults, not for babies;” it really does take a real man to realize when he has a good woman and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep her. I just want to say there are quite a few men out there who need to grow some balls and just grow up period. I feel like from a very young age we are taught that our goal in life is to meet someone we are so in love with, build a life, have children, be happy, the end; and this scares our generation shitless…so bad that we want
to do the opposite.
As you get older, you’re supposed to realize that falling in love with your soul mate doesn’t mean your life is over; it’s supposed to be exciting, overwhelming, complete madness, but the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll know when that happens. I feel like guys don’t realize in the moment what they have until it’s gone, until another guy sweeps her away because you were too stupid to have the simple epiphany that having amazing sex and chemistry continuously with one person is way better than having mediocre one night stands one after the other with a bunch of hoes that will never matter to you like that one woman did; “finding someone worth waking up to, is better than finding someone to sleep with and one day you will wake up and realize how perfect she was and when that day comes she will be waking up beside the man who already knew.”
The point of the matter is this: we all get terrified at the thought of being in love, it has sort of become this stigma in society even, but if you find someone/something worth fighting for you will get past your commitment issues and if not then they probably aren’t really worth your time anyways. Men, please take away this: a good woman who knows her worth won’t stick around waiting for long, waiting for you to change…after all, she’s probably that good and single because she has waited before and then realized there is no use in waiting for a guy not worthy of her. Cheers until next time.
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