Don’t Knock it Until you Try it; Compatibility isn’t Everything but Your Mutual Want for Love is

Compatibility, a word a lot of stern, mechanical, hard-headed individuals try to pick their future partners based upon, literally means able to exist together without trouble or conflict. This word is basically a made up concept when it comes to relationships in it for the long haul; in what universe can a couple so in love, with the passion and fire we want so badly, possibly live harmoniously and agree on everything? I mean I’m a hopeless romantic, but complete compatibility when it comes to finding a marriage partner is unrealistic and boring; I don’t know any married couple madly in love that don’t fight and match each other’s personalities in all areas of life. A quote from one of my favorite movies, “Life As We Know It” goes as follows: “If my ex-wife and I fought like that, we’d still be married.” People are going to fight and disagree, opposites attract; as long as both people in the partnership are respectful, honest, trusting, loyal and faithful, have positive mindsets, and willing to put the effort into the relationship then love will stay alive.

I was doing a little research about this topic and came across an article on pattiknows.com that states this: “According to a study reviewed in Psychology Today called The Truth About Compatibility: Expert opinions on love and compatibility, and the interaction between biology and behavior (Hara Estroff Marano and Carlin Flora, 2004) examined relationships relative to compatibility and found that compatibility actually doesn’t revolve around a list of traits one has or doesn’t have, rather, compatibility is a process and something that one builds in their relationship. The study found that compatibility between a couple lies within the negotiating process within the relationship that is made up of one’s willingness to work together and both parties’ attitudes and dispositions.” Regardless of what one thinks, this is proven science and how relationships truly work in reality.

The cognition behind this concept is simply that love is complex and has many different counterparts; love actually “operates between biology and behavior but ultimately succeeds when there is a certain attitude applied towards the relationship, the mindset of applying to your relationship a dominant attitude of positivity and good will (for the better good of the relationship).” Compatibility is not a feasible perception of what makes a relationship work primarily because human beings change so much over time that shared hobbies and/or interests, which in the end actually do not matter, cannot measure a relationship.

“According to psychology professor, Ted Huston at the University of Texas who studied married couples, found that there is no difference in the objective level of compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy. But the unhappy ones think compatibility is important to a good marriage-but don’t think they have it. When people say, ‘We’re incompatible,’ that usually means, ‘We don’t get along very well.’ People overemphasize the effect of personality or values. And they underemphasize the extent to which easy, congenial temperaments aid marriages.”

You don’t know who would be a perfect fit for you until you give them an opportunity to be there for you, to grow with you, to just love you. People sometimes fall for people who they least expected for themselves and that’s not a bad thing. Relationships take work; hard work. Sometimes we find love in the darkest of places in our lives and that one person pulls us out of the dark with all of the light they have to offer. Love is not a choice; you can choose to feel those feelings or push them away, but in the end, the universe brings two people together for a reason.

“Society holds compatibility as a prerequisite to any relationship and we hold onto ideas of compatibility (and chemistry) so strongly that we fail to look at the more important factors of a relationship such as genuine respect, love and dedication to one another-the ability and attitude to want to evolve and grow together is the secret sauce to any relationship, not the details of compatibility, such as having to be the same religion or liking the same hobbies. The test of a strong relationship and a happy couple is not in their ability to have a lot in common but their ability to respect each other’s words and grow from one another while growing with each other-according to the research of this article, couples need to feel they are building something together that has meaning. The real mark of a happy or ‘perfect match’ in a couple is their ability to stay emotionally connected, their responsiveness to one another’s needs in an equal fashion which involves the consistent asking of questions to tap into your partner’s psyche and making sure you are up-to-date on one another.” I could not agree more with this. These studies confirmed all of my beliefs about compatibility while they might have you questioning yours.

“According to Raoul Helder, a divorce lawyer, claims that the main reason for divorce is due to growing apart. The degree in which couples stay emotionally connected holds much more weight than compatibility ever will.” This to me is the most important aspect of any relationship; I want to be able to tell my husband everything and connect with him on an emotional level I can’t connect on with anyone else, I want a husband and a best friend who not only understands me and knows all of the dark things about me but recognizes my strength to get through those dark times while loving me unconditionally for my flaws.

“Ultimately, when trying to find your ‘soul mate’ and the ‘perfect match’ who has ‘all the perfect qualities you ever dreamed of,’ keep in mind that personality traits and qualities, although can help a couple get along and connect, is not a good indicator of whether or not a couple is good together due to the fact that personality is so particular and random. We can like opposite personalities and we can like similar personalities, it really has no grounds in telling of a relationship’s strength. What really should be the determining factor of a couple’s strength are their shared relationship skills, which have nothing to do with personality. Truly any two personalities can be together no matter how different they really are, and the most random and ‘incompatible’ personalities can be together if they have good relationship skills.” This article said everything I’ve wanted to in a nutshell; any two people can be together if they are attracted to each other, have shared relationship skills/wants/values and are just willing to put in the work and effort it takes to build a successful relationship. My “perfect match” will be the guy who listens to me, who I can have intellectual and deep conversations with, who calls me out on my bullshit in order to allow me to grow into a better person while letting me call him out on his bullshit so we can be better together, who doesn’t give up on us over the little things, who can appreciate the little things.

I meant every word in this article and my hope for it is to be useful. I’ll wait for love, for a real chance at love; the number of days I have to wait until I have the one I want are nothing compared to the days I’ll be without him if I don’t.

Cheers Until Next Time

Players Gonna Play, Gaslighters Gonna Gas and I’m still the same bitter Bitch I was yesterday

Well, it’s been a while, but I’m back and a lot has happened. What I’ve learned since my last post: commitment issues are as relevant as ever. Guys love to get what they want from a woman and call it a day, but wrong answer in my book. I’ve been given excuses like “I want to Network and not looking to settle down” to “I’m different from all the other guys, I’ll prove it to you (but doesn’t) or have been accused of being a player by the ultimate players, as if I don’t know what gaslighting is (for those of you who don’t, it’s a serious psychological term where a form of intimidation or psychological abuse, sometimes called Ambient Abuse where false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory, perception and quite often, their sanity. The classic example of gaslighting is to switch something around on someone that you know they’re sure to notice, but then deny knowing anything about it, and to explain that they “must be imagining things” when they challenge these changes. The most prime example of this being when a guy accuses you of talking to a bunch of guys do diverge the situation from himself whom is the one playing games and talking to a bunch of other women); I wasn’t born yesterday and I guarantee you have no idea who you have messed with. I just love when men underestimate my dating intelligence or my intelligence period, but this is understandable given the type of women that exist in my generation.

Girls give it up so easily these days, making them easy targets for f***boys. The perfect definition of these guys goes as follows: An asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for “pics” once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms which could be the most whimsical of times, and if the girl rejects those plans because she has a legitimate reason for not being able to hang out, he will get pissed. However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought. If a girl tries to stand up to this asshole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl making it seem as though the conflict at stake is her fault and he has done nothing wrong and hates when girls bitch at him for “no reason.” He will always come crawling back because he is a horny prick and cannot withstand the dispossession of one of his “baes,” because he has more than one that’s for sure. Texting such a boy will consist of the girl carrying the conversation and the guy responding with short answers 10 or more minutes after the girl’s response, but when she asks why he takes so long to answer it will be because he is “busy” but he promises he likes her. Boys like this are egotistical assholes who cannot be trusted and are hard to get rid of because they say all the right things to get the girl back.

Here’s the problem ladies: you are afraid to stand up to these types of f***boys for risk of losing them when you never had them to begin with. They will take advantage of the “sweet girls” because they know they will give them what they want. I fall victim to this constantly because I am a “sweet” and “nice” girl when I want to be, but at the same time, you have to stand up for yourself and not let them get away with playing girl after girl. Ask me what my ultimate goal is once a guy has screwed me over? Taking the power away. Meaning what? Meaning I call the shots now. You want something from me? Too damn bad, that offer expired when you decided to play games. Guys might act like they don’t like opinionated women, but let’s face it, nothing is more attractive than when a woman stands her ground and puts a man in his place whom grotesquely deserved it. Mistreat a girl and she might chase you, but mistreat a woman and you’re damn right she will replace you. Be a woman ladies and deny these f****boys, otherwise, you are only giving them the power necessary to screw you over.

Ladies, also remember that not every sorry deserves an “It’s okay” in return, because it’s not okay to be treated like s**t when you did nothing to deserve such malice. So guys, you know who you are, do me a favor and look around the bars; you will forever be surrounded by weekend f***s that will gladly be willing to worship the ground you walk on for one lonely night, but when you’re ready to grow up and experience something real, you can give me a call; when you do, though, it’ll probably be too late. I never give less than my all when I truly like someone; I devote my time and dedication to that one person, yet I am the one who always pays for its failing.

A quote I came across recently says it all: “A good woman that is faithful, ambitious, driven, family oriented, educated, honest and loyal; Who supports you at your worst and is there to celebrate with you at your best; Who puts you before her friends and family when necessary; Who could do more for you than satisfy your sexual needs is hard to come by nowadays, so when you have one, make sure you appreciate and cherish her, because the clubs and bars are full of men wishing they had the girl you’ve left at home.” I will never understand why the women (i.e. myself) who respect themselves and pretty much have everything going for them, continue to get screwed over by pathetic little boys, who in reality, are as grown as you can get; I mean come on 31’s. Chivalry really appears to be dead and it’s a shame; it’s a shame no one can be trusted because no one can be honest, it’s a shame women settle for less because guys continue to take more, it’s a shame when keepers become throwbacks because guys don’t appreciate the difference, humanity is just a shame and we continue to contribute to its disintegration. Just some food for your puny little brains.

 

Cheers Until Next Time

Commitment; Either You do or You Don’t, There is no in Between

I would say a lot of people have a long battle with commitment issues when it comes to love, some more severe than others. It seems like guys don’t believe women can have commitment issues which is total bullshit; I think we just deal with it differently because it’s embedded in our blood to have to feel loved. Every person who is willing to take a chance with love even when the odds are against them deserve happiness; these are the people especially worthy of love and belonging, but who doesn’t want that?

In this generation, I’ve learned the details of a relationship don’t necessarily matter anymore; titles mean nothing because if people aren’t committed it really doesn’t matter if you call the person your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband…it’s sad, but that just seems like the way it is. Every single guy that has ever been present in my life, from my biological father to ex-boyfriends, have only let me down and disappointed me. I grew up in a broken home, where I witnessed a war of marriage on a daily basis. My father is an alcoholic who never treated my mother right and fortunately that marriage ended in a divorce, which still had a negative effect on me. I witnessed my sister in a domestic violence relationship as well. I was in a relationship for three years where I was cheated on, emotionally abused, and although I wasn’t in a full blown violent relationship here, I was still physically abused by being pushed and grabbed like no person should be by someone that
claims to love them. If all of this doesn’t mean I should have commitment issues with men, I don’t know what does.

For the longest time, I couldn’t trust a single guy, for six years to be exact. My mother and sister both found amazing men who love them and I would trust them with my life, but when it comes to my own love life, I never could really trust again or wanted to be committed to anyone. At the age of 24, I’ve been through a lot, so of course I want to find someone who treats me with the love and respect a strong woman like me deserves. Guys think it’s so easy for us to fall for them, when in reality, it’s not; sometimes, though, when you least expect it we run into people who can change the game for us.

We want to break our own rules, we get a little insano in the membrano, and fall a lot quicker than we usually do and it’s scary…for all of us. If I had a choice, I would probably want to be single for the rest of my life because of how much it hurts to try and get to know people and to invest so much time in one person to only have it fail; then, you’re back to square one…again. As I get older, though, I’ve learned to accept heartbreak and to not have your expectations too high; I’m not saying to settle…as my motto goes, “I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than settle for someone who isn’t exactly what I want and who isn’t worthy of the love I have to give…” I’m simply saying don’t get your hopes up for someone who isn’t ready to invest in you the time you are investing in them.

Someone told me recently that you can’t force love onto someone just because you have the urge to be loved so much. I absolutely agree, but I don’t think that’s what I do at all. I would say that you can’t help who you develop feelings for and as much as you would like to push those feelings aside because of commitment issues or timing or distance, whatever the case may be, they are still going to eat you alive. I am a strong believer in fate and believe “there’s no use trying to rush fate because the best things in life are worth the wait;” if two people are meant to be together, there’s no forcing anything…things will fall into place as they should and come together on their own time.

What’s really depressing is when you are seeing someone who makes you feel all these different feelings, but at the same time, makes you feel like you aren’t allowed to feel that way because they are experiencing some commitment issues. My best friend put it this way, “Commitment is for adults, not for babies;” it really does take a real man to realize when he has a good woman and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep her. I just want to say there are quite a few men out there who need to grow some balls and just grow up period. I feel like from a very young age we are taught that our goal in life is to meet someone we are so in love with, build a life, have children, be happy, the end; and this scares our generation shitless…so bad that we want
to do the opposite.

As you get older, you’re supposed to realize that falling in love with your soul mate doesn’t mean your life is over; it’s supposed to be exciting, overwhelming, complete madness, but the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll know when that happens. I feel like guys don’t realize in the moment what they have until it’s gone, until another guy sweeps her away because you were too stupid to have the simple epiphany that having amazing sex and chemistry continuously with one person is way better than having mediocre one night stands one after the other with a bunch of hoes that will never matter to you like that one woman did; “finding someone worth waking up to, is better than finding someone to sleep with and one day you will wake up and realize how perfect she was and when that day comes she will be waking up beside the man who already knew.”

The point of the matter is this: we all get terrified at the thought of being in love, it has sort of become this stigma in society even, but if you find someone/something worth fighting for you will get past your commitment issues and if not then they probably aren’t really worth your time anyways. Men, please take away this: a good woman who knows her worth won’t stick around waiting for long, waiting for you to change…after all, she’s probably that good and single because she has waited before and then realized there is no use in waiting for a guy not worthy of her. Cheers until next time.

Online Dating; Really this is a thing now…

Online dating has sort of evolved into this obsession, this game, this more-of-a-joke-than-finding-love sort of thing. Specifically, let’s focus on a lovely dating app called Tinder. The idea of this app is predominantly superficial if you think about it; it’s like who can swipe left the most and the fastest because let’s face it, there isn’t a lot of good-looking people on there and, if there is, there is nothing written in their profiles because who cares right you’re hot. I believe the stats are this: women swipe right about 20% of the guys they see on Tinder vs. the whopping 90% men do. I know this is definitely true in my case.

Are dating apps like these even realistic? I mean you are looking at pictures of random strangers who are most likely out of town and looking to get some and your reasons for swiping right are going to be based on their pictures, don’t say I’m not right because there really isn’t any other aspect to Tinder. My main problem with Tinder is that you set up these dates and they hardly ever follow through, it’s like what was the point of this…it’s all a game.

Let’s talk about the few dates that do follow through though. They are probably going to be shorter than there pics may prevail, and let’s face it ladies, this has seriously become a “thing,” and men as much as you don’t want it to, height is going to always matter to women for reasons we can’t necessarily explain. They are probably going to have that “dahmer-effect” to them; meaning stalkerish qualities, yes I said it they are most likely going to be obsessive after that first and only meeting, so keep it at that. They are probably going to be from out of town looking for sex that’s probably the only reason they followed through in the first place. For whatever reason people are on Tinder, it’s going to be very rare that it actually works in your favor.

And, let’s not all pretend like we haven’t swiped right on accident and then immediately unmatched those people..yea like I said it’s all a game.

I feel like I’m a broken record when I say this, but what happened to just going out and meeting normal people? I feel like everyone these days are afraid to commit, even when they know it’s real, so they go out using apps like Tinder because it’s just not real.

My advice to you: put yourself out there more and see what happens. There comes a time when all of us guarded, broken individuals have to get back out there, become unafraid, and feel again. As much as we know it’s going to hurt, don’t let apps that make finding love seem easy and unimportant like Tinder get the best of us. There is someone out there for you and I guarantee if you don’t stop trying and fighting, they will pop up when you least expect them to. Patience is key all.

Cheers until next time.

Friends With Benefits; No Strings Attached; You know, that kind of thing…

Let’s face the facts guys: In this day and age, about 63% of people having sex are in “friends with benefits” relationships. Friends with benefits, according to urban dictionary, is when two friends who have a sexual realtionship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogomous relationship or any kind of commitment. But is this possible? Can two people really have sex for a length of time and not have any kind of emotion involve? Yes, that was obviously a rhetorical question.

But, that leads me to my next point: Can friends with benefits relationships turn into something more? Why yes, studies show they can. While only 26% of people believe relationships that stem from a friends with benefits thing won’t work out, studies show relationships starting off this way don’t show any lower quality than if they were to start off in a “normal” way: “We didn’t see much evidence that relationships were lower quality because they started off as hookups,” said Paik, an assistant professor in the UI College of Liberal Arts and Sciences. “The study suggests that rewarding relationships are possible for those who delay sex. But it’s also possible for true love to emerge if things start off with a more ‘Sex and the City’ approach, when people spot each other across the room, become sexually involved and then build a relationship.”

So what does being in a friends with benefits relationship mean to you? Was it an accident? Is it your way of getting into the pants of a friend with absolutely no intention of anything going further? In my research, I’ve come to the conclusion that guys will use the excuse of “this is a bad way to start a relationship” to get out of this relationship going any further; it’s not how you start a relationship that matters, it’s the people in it. “While hookups or friends with benefits can turn into true love, both parties typically enter the relationship for sex and the expectations are fairly low,” Paik said. “In the casual dating category, some people think they’re headed for a long-term relationship, but there are also people who are only in it for sex. It basically brings ‘players’ and ‘non-players’ together. As a consequence, it raises the question of whether casual dating is a useful institution. This paper would suggest not really, because it doesn’t screen out the non-romantic types.”

According to 29 Secrets, “While at first things can go smoothly, there is one issue that comes up 90% of the time: attachment. While sex does not always lead to intimacy, it can often form a feeling of it and can sometimes actually make it occur. This fear of intimacy is often the elephant in the room in these types of relationships, and it is usually the idea that one partner will get more attached that causes a problem in the long run. While it does seem that women are more likely to get wrapped up emotionally, this is largely dependent on the way a woman approaches a Friends with Benefits relationship, versus the way a man does. Women focus on the friendship, men on the benefits. It takes a certain type of woman to be able to remain emotionally distant, and for most women, they lack the traits needed to keep the relationship up for long.” In my personal opinion and experiences, this is absolutely true; it completely depends upon the type of woman and her traits whether or not she can keep up with a friends with benefits relationship. For me, it’s not about getting “too emotionally wrapped,” but rather the self-respect and dignity traits I obtain that get in the way. But, that’s not a bad thing because it shows that those kinds of traits are better in the long run for creating and maintaining long term relationships, and let’s face it ladies, who wants a guy who wants a trashy, non-committal woman? “Men also have the propensity to become attached during a Friend with Benefits agreement, but they are more apt to pull back and run when it comes time to face their feelings. If they wanted the friends with benefits status from the start, it’s likely they are seriously concerned with avoiding any type of commitment.”

The point is simple: These types of relationships can be more drama than you bargained for because unless you are a robot, there are ALWAYS feelings involved no matter how hard you try to push them away. If you want zero drama, I suggest Women to get a couple of batteries and a vibrator and men to use their good hand until you are up for a big-boy/girl long term relationship. Cheers until next time:)

What it means to be a friend…as a guy and a girl

So, I was listening to the radio and this interviewer asks Chelsea Handler, “If you weren’t friends with Jennifer Anniston, would you like Angelina Jolie?” She replies, “No, I don’t like her.” The interviewer then says, “Well, have you even met her?” “No, but I still don’t like her. It has nothing to do with Jennifer, I can just tell she’s not a girl’s girl and I like girl girls so I know I don’t like her,” Handler replies.

This got me thinking of what it means to be a “girl’s girl” Vs. a “guy’s girl.” I’m simply talking about the type of friend a girl can be. I know I’m a guy’s girl. For example, I can’t stand girls and their unnecessary drama and I have more guy friends than girl friends. A guy’s girl can hang out with a group of guy’s or just one guy (as a girl’s girl would do with girls) and “be one of the guys;” no pressure to bone every single one of them, (or can bone all of them, but still remain totally platonic and drama free), just relax, lay low, and no pressure to be all girly and someone that you’re not.

Now a girl’s girl is quite different. This type of girl friend will most likely talk behind your back (while the guy’s girl has no problem saying that thing to your face), and, I don’t know, sit around and gossip all day while painting each other’s ugly toenails? Whatever the those chicks do. This type of friend is extremely needy and needs to hang out every couple of days or you guys aren’t considered friends anymore (unlike the guy’s girl who will hang out whenever she has the time, may be once every month, but we are still friends).

Now let’s talk about a Guy’s Guy Vs. a Girl’s Guy. (WARNING: THIS MAY BE TOO FUNNY). A guy’s guy is all about testosterone PERIOD. These guys get ripped together at the gym and probably also talk behind your back (while the girl’s guy is all about getting in touch with his over sensitive self and happy to share his feelings). A guy’s guy will not open doors for you, tell you how he feels (because it’s gay), and will make you believe chivalry is far dead.

Now let’s shift a little bit to the Girl’s Guy. This guy is all about getting in touch with his feminine side and showing his feelings (all over the place). He’s a HOT MESS.
While he is all about chivalry, it may be a little too overwhelming because let’s face it girls, we like BADASSES and this friend, well he’s mister (too) nice guy. Some may even confuse this friend as gay, but he’s just an over-sensitized, straight guy. This friend doesn’t mind being stuck in the “friend zone” because he’s just glad he gets to be in your presence (it’s most likely the girl is the hot one in this friendship).

Well there you have it! A glimpse of what these terms mean (I bet you’re classifying yourself into one of these groups right meow!)…Cheers until next time☺

Down in the Dumps

 

Now let me tell you about a funny thing called: LOVE. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, but when it’s bad it’s excruciatingly painful, right? Love is a beautiful thing, but when it’s taken for granted we see the bitterness in it all: in the topic and, even worse, ourselves. How can something be so beautiful one minute and then all of a sudden be the worst thing that ever happened to us? It’s the roller coaster: It’s starts out as a thrill as you reach the apex, and then after the “honeymoon stage,” it all just goes downhill from there, until you’re at the end of the ride. That’s why it is against our human biology to be monogamous; we can’t stay on one ride for too long. People say “life makes love look hard,” but as we have seen in personal experiences it’s obviously vice versa, “love makes life look hard.” Love takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice to make it work. So, I say it’s time to be optimistic about breakups versus pessimistic.

If you are one of those amazing women that are willing to do anything and everything to keep the one you love and make those sacrifices, this is for you. You know why? Because we are the ones that are underappreciated and taken for granted by the male species. So, from now on think of a breakup as THEIR loss. Think of it as they never deserved you to begin with. Think of it as just another chapter closed in your life and the book goes on. Think of it as helping you find someone better that will come along (and he will). This needs to be the optimistic mindset of someone who is battling a breakup, especially someone who knows they deserve way better than what they have been receiving in relationships.

So, it’s time ladies to be the heartbreakERS versus the heartbreakEES. Let’s quit being down in the dumps (heartbroken) after a breakup and just start breaking some hearts of our own. Let’s take a stand and make every guy who lost us, make him wish he hadn’t. Tolkien says, “Not all who wander are lost,” and I say, “Not all of the fragile are broken.” What we mean is feel free to live your life by your own means now, this doesn’t mean you are lost, this means you are allowing yourself to grow in an unconfined space; take the time after your breakups to REFIND or REFINE your soul and just take the time for YOU. Focus on where YOUR life is going, because now you have the freedom to. And the latter part (that I added on to that quote) is most important; we are all fragile in our own ways and express our emotions in our own time frame, but this doesn’t mean we are broken. We don’t need to be fixed, we need to be loved…really loved. And this doesn’t necessarily mean automatically start finding a companion who can truly love you, but rather looking at the people right in front of you who have been there for you all along (friends, family, etc.) and love you unconditionally for who you already are.

Don’t trust when people say, “Love comes to you,” because the truth is, no it doesn’t. The only way you are going to find the love you are looking for is if you go out and get it yourself. Enough with this patience is key shit, because how long have we been waiting ladies for a decent guy to come along? Yeah, that’s right an eternity it seems like. Sometimes love is found in the most hopeless places and helpless stages of our lives, so don’t give up. But don’t wait for a “SOULMATE” to come along either because another evident truth, there is like 2% more men in the world than women (not even taking into consideration the gays and lesbians). So my point is don’t settle, but don’t expect to find someone to spend the rest of your life with either. Focus on the present and the future will have its way of working itself out. Enjoy life and everything it has to offer. Stay out of the dumps because it truly smells in there. And most importantly, JUST BE HAPPY…cheers until next time:)

Some People Never Fully Develop Their Prefrontal Cortex…

What is this complex anatomical term you ask? It is the “CEO of the brain.” This particular brain region is responsible for complex cognitive analysis and abstract thought and the moderation of “correct” behavior in social situations. In other words, this part of your frontal lobe orchestrates your thoughts and actions to achieve some kind of goal in a given situation. This part of the brain doesn’t maturely develop until about age 25 (for women, usually never for men).

Let me give you a very current example from my very own crazy dating life. So, I’m sitting with this (supposedly matured prefrontal cortex) 26-year-old (if that was his real age) in a hot tub when his dad joins us (yes why is your dad in here in the first place and 2nd not a very well orchestrated action to get to the goal, right?) Anyways, his dad starts asking me normal questions (like any normal damn parent would) and out of normal respect and “correct behavior” I made eye contact and answered his questions appropriately.

When his dad leaves, the guy gets shady quiet and I ask what’s wrong. He shrugs, so I give him a little time to recuperate his rattled underdeveloped thoughts and step out of the hot tub. 5-10 minutes later, I ask what’s wrong again and still no answer (I’m so annoyed at this point). I step back in and he finally answers (or shouts rather), “What’s wrong?! What’s wrong?! (whoa, bipolar alert) What’s wrong is that you looked my dad in the eyes more tonight than you have looked in mine all damn day!” Whoa buddy, so you’re basically accusing me of hitting on your nasty, old dad (that’s the first “incorrect behavior”).

Then I say, “WHAT? Are you being serious?” (I thought this was a joke). He says, “yea, I’m serious that’s fucking weird!” (The only thing weird here dude is your lame ass, disgusting undeveloped accusation). He goes on (like a broken record), “it’s weird, it’s weird, it’s weird.” (Yes, I heard you). He then blabbers, “Yea so you can just go home! Go find some rich lawyer at the Tavern!” (Wow, now calling me a gold digger, go find a job asshole!). “You don’t even know me!” And I walk the hell out! Geez, where do I find these lame ass goobers?
Now, everything this douchebag has done (or lied about rather) up until this moment, just puts that yummy frosting on the cake. For example, we had a class together and on the midterm I got a B-. He said he got a B- too (btw I’m a communication major and he’s in pre-law which the class is MEDIA LAW; I’ve been to class like 5 times and still got the same grade as you). He asked what my number grade was and I said a 70, he said 71 (the questions were worth 2 points each you fool, so that’s impossible!).

Moving on. He goes on and on about some high tech job (he miraculously got the day we hung out) about some GPS tracking device and shit (dude you still know you have a year left in college right?). We all know you be jobless, no need to lie. Let’s see what else I can pull out of my magic hat.

At dinner, (let me remind you he’s only 26) he sniffs the Pinot Noir and twirls the wine around (I’m assuming to check the quality or some weird shit like that). He then says how delicious it is, thinking he’s showing off as some kind of wine expert when he doesn’t know the entire bottle of wine costs like 6 bucks! Ha, I’m laughing out loud right now! You can’t get any douchier than that (that’s some complex thinking right there…NOT! Well maybe in douchery). Dude you’re not fooling anyone here.

When a 26-year old makes the comparison from “Good Will Hunting,” (saying I’m the rich “princess” and he’s the broke guy from the tracks) first of all that’s “incorrect.” I am not some gold digger brat (once again); I’ve been working since I was 16, but I’m not denying you’re the broke guy (at least Matt Damon was a genius with a job in that movie so all around bad comparison). Oh, but wait that’s not what he meant my bad. Damn, what was the next unbelievably cheesy line this douchebag tried to play me with? Oh, that’s right he meant, “I deserve the world.” (Barf in a 15 L garbage bag). What’s up with this lame shit? I tell you what’s up. Girls actually eat this shit on a stick up! Well you’ve picked the wrong girl to mess with; I’ve been around the block once or twice and you’re so full of shit I can smell you a mile away (let’s just say I’m a pro with pathological liars).

Oh and let’s not forget about the car thing. So he asks me to pick him up because his “very nice Durango” isn’t running right, but by all means it’s a nice car. When I drop him back off, his dad is in one of the two parking spaces each tenant is allotted (oh yea he lives with his dad in an apartment). I look next to his dad’s car and it’s a beat up Jeep. So, 1st you lie about the kind of car you drive and 2nd it’s probably not the car that’s the problem, but the fact (since you have no job) you have no funds for your means of transportation (gas). No wonder that shit isn’t running right.

All right, I’ve had enough of this. But as you can see in (most if not all) men, their prefrontal cortex’s are clearly not developed by age 25. Lesson learned guys: if you are embarrassed about your financial situation, change it; get a damn job, any job. Don’t make up a bunch of stuff to make yourself look better than you really are because you will get caught and just look like a plain idiot. That’s an exhausting wrap…cheers until next time☺

To be stood up or not to be stood up…

Let me start off by saying, I have NEVER been stood up in my life and just in the past week it has happened to me TWICE. I have went against my own advice and have recently took a part in online dating website, i.e. Plenty of Fish and Tinder. Specifically from Plenty of Fish, over the weekend I found one guy I was interested in, after being on the site for a couple of months now. I decided to set up a date and actually went to go meet this person at a bar. He called me, not texted, but called me to personally let me know he was going to be late, but is not canceling. So, of course, I went to the bar which was closed (this should have been the first and only sign that this was a bad idea). I texted him that the bar was closed and that we could just meet at the one next door which was opened. He said that was fine and that he would be there as soon as possible and tells me to order two shots of tequila (which he would pay for when he got there). About an hour rolls by, and he is still a no-show, so the guy next to me at the bar offers to take shots with me and I say why not since I have two untouched ones sitting in front of me. I talk with this random guy and take shots with him for like two hours and finally text the no-show again asking if he was still coming-no response. I was so disappointed and annoyed that this guy had the audacity to do this to someone like me let alone anyone. I wanted to specifically hear from the guys on this one: have you ever stood anyone up and, if you have, what was the motive/driving force behind this jerk off move???  And word to the wise, never stand up a beautiful lady because you’ll just end up settling for worse.  Cheers until next time:)